Monday

the start of exams

today i had my first paper -- corporate reporting. so amazing, i just did the paper. after asking my friends, apparently, i had quite a lot of wrong stuff. oops! anyway, i didn't know tt i was wrong. helps helps!! but i'm just glad it's over. well, i have one more paper to go. i haven't study tt yet.. so expecting me to be at home muggggging..

anyway, i bouyght $40 worth of CDs. whahah! since last night, i have the mood of shopping for cds. so i've bought cds after my papers. i was deciding what to buy, at the end i bought 2 ... -- one korean song and the other is tv instrumentals. super happy lor. anyway, the korean one is REALLIE good. i found 2 songs that i'm going to change the lyrics. who knows it may be the next hit.. whahha! but it's reallie good.

anyway, i was locked out of my house today. so funnie... cuz i forgot to bring the keys. oops! so i've waiting for my mum for one hr and talking to luke about the friday incident.

-- friday--
frankly, i was reallie pissed off on friday. I was there late cuz of good friday mass. Reallie tired when i finally reached there. Then, the youths asked me to the do one of the more difficult intention. What reallie pissed me off is their attitude. They wanted me to check the PnW songs. I told them that the songs are not appropriate for lent and I asked them to check it and re-choose. Their reply was 'I don't care what is lent. I don't even go for mass. U check lar ... i don't know'. My gooosh, it's so super super super rude and terrible disrespectful.

I can understand that not everyone understand the value of lent or their faith. However, the attitide of not even trying to understand or to treasure it is something i can't understand. SO PISSSED off... please lor!! If this faith means nothing, why even pray?? so hypocritical. I myself is still learning more about this faith but ... but not even trying ... ! NOT even TRYING

Then, during the PnW, they were waiting for me to start the prayers, to read out the title of the songs and sing the songs. Hello, I DON:T HAVE THE LIST of songs and I"M NOT THE PRAISE WORSHIP LEADER. SO it's back to a 1 man show... What is this??

SERIOUSLY... I'm reallie tired of people relying on me and learning. It's not as if these little things can't be solve on thier own. Considering the times they have done the PnW, surely they can do this. I can understand if they can't start ... but if u tell me u can't read the song page or start the song? What is the PnW leader for?? I'm not asking for perfect stuff.. but at least u tried. At the end, I have to do the whole PnW. Hey, DO u realised that i have my work to do ... I have my intention to cover? What is a group about when everything is depend on just 1 person.

I guess they just don't realize how tiring it is to be forever relied on. I can't be teaching or helping them always... they have to learn to grow on their own. I reallie wonder when will they grow and see beyond themselves. That other people would feel tired and can't be forever there -- we don't live forever!! I will die one day What is considered a group when they are always dependent on a person. It's like a one person show... BUT ... I am reallie tired of this and reallie want people to depend on themselve for a change.

Luke is tired.. so am I! So If i'm not going ... are they going to depend on andrew?? They do not realise now tired he is tooo. so are they going to put the weight on of intercession on andrew -- the next person to be tired. So if none of the leaders turn up... is the group going to die off?? Will they even stand up and lead the group and serious do something for the group ... i wonder!

This to not to point fingers on people or discredit them. Prolly, there will be lots of people disagreeing or no one will blog about it ...... I reallie hope that some would learn --
1. no one lives forever and no one can be there forever
2. a group means everyone depends on each other and not one person
3. a group means everyone grows together.


If none of u guys are interest in this group ... I'm not coming. I love intercession and truly believe in the power of intercession... but having the weight of everything on ME. IT DRAINS THE PASSION OF INTERCESSION. I would prolly attend intercession at a different slot until... i've recovered from this tireness

I wonder, will the group survive??

I am one but I'm still one
I can't do everything but I can do something
Since I can't do everything, I would not refuse the things that I can do.

This is a quote that i treasure. Although I'm only one person, I will not do things I can do to brighten ppl's life. But because of this, ppl take things for granted and depend-totally on you. I've loved everyone of u and I've treasured the friendship that we have... BUT DO U TREASURE ME?

IF U DO TREASURE ME, why do i get this disrespect?

The choice is yours.
Life is yours.
Your choose your life..

princess maddie.